Belichick Offers Pats QB Job to Julian Edelman
In a head-scratching turn of events, Bill Belichick has offered the starting quarterback job to Julian Edelman, who has been a star wider receiver for the team the past several years.
Edelman excelled as a quarterback for Kent State and the College of San Mateo before getting drafted by the Patriots. Upon arrival, he found out there was no way anyone was going to play quarterback for the team except Tom Brady.
This had been axiomatic for 20 straight years until two weeks ago when Belichick cut Brady because he thinks the six-time Super Bowl champion’s skills have diminished and doesn’t getting along with the guy.
But Belichick’s bigger motivation for this move, according to Sammy Sportface’s reliable sources, is to prove he can coach a team to a Super Bowl ring without Brady as his QB. He wants to show the world he’s the biggest reason the Pats snagged six rings. But many believe Brady was the most responsible for the dynastic run and that infuriates the charismatic coach.
“I made this decision solely to prove I can win a Super Bowl with anyone playing quarterback,” said Belichick. “Edelman’s a wide receiver with no NFL quarterbacking experience. We won’t need him to do anything except not lose the games and pose for the ESPN Nude Player issue that comes out every July. My genius defensive schemes will win the games for us.”
Contacted by the Sammy Sportface Syndication Network, Edelman said this:
“I am disconcerted but not surprised that Belichick thinks so little of my quarterbacking skills that he has offered me the job. When he made the offer, he made it abundantly clear he has no faith my skills and is using me as a puppet to prove he can win the Super Bowl with someone as inexperienced as me. Typical move by this great guy. I think I might go play wide receiver with TB for the TB Dragons.”
Belichick went out of his way to belittle Edelman’s college football achievements.
“The College of San Mateo?” Belichick asked rhetorically. “You’ve got to be kidding me? Kent State? Foxboro High School could beat those guys.”
After making his decision, Belichick went for a boat ride off Nantucket with his girlfriend. The boat has six Super Bowl rings attached to it. And when he rides on the ocean he wears all six Super Bowl rings.
“Let’s do a nude photo shoot for Nantucket Magazine,” he said. “That will get more clickbait than Edelman got posting nude for ESPN Mag. It will be a great way to play with his mind as he comes under my coaching spell. I drove Brady out of his mind and cut him. I need to have Edelman feeling insecure and wary around me entering training camp. That’s how you lead men.”
To be continued…